Favorite Childhood Memories, Not

I was pondering my childhood today. On the whole it was pretty good, even excellent. Then there were the not so favorite memories. Like my first bike ride. Mom and Dad bought me a new bicycle. Daddy stayed outside with me and encouraged me to get on and have a go at it. We didn't do training wheels back then, you got on and did your best. I was cruising, oh yeah, then I made the turn into our driveway, wipeout, the bike and I were a tangled up mess. Did this stop me from getting back on that bike, no way. My sister was babysitting me, I took it into my head to ride 6 miles away to my cousin's house, by then I had mastered the art of bike riding. I got there all right, my aunt called my mother at work to let her know where I was, mom came up promptly after work to get me. I hadn't gotten into enough trouble by just taking off without notice on my bike, no, I had to compound matters with more shenanigans. My cousin and I climbed into my aunt's car, opened up the ashtray and there to our wondering eyes we found cigarette butts. They still had a few good puffs left, so we did the sensible thing, we lit up a butt and were puffing away. Who should happen to appear but good old Mom, my bike and I parted ways for a month. This didn't stop me from giving smoking another chance, after all dad smoked, must be o.k.. Yeah I lit up at home, trouble is I was always getting caught, only this time I was encouraged to smoke or should I say made to smoke the whole cigarette, oh man, I got sick, threw up, alot. I am convinced that in my grown up years, when I decided to give smoking another shot, I could never get addicted to cigarettes, it was that bad throwing up memory burned into my sub concious that eventually convinced me to forego smoking.

Letting Go

You lift me up when I am weak
Your arms wrap around me
Your love catches me so I’m letting go
You lift me up when I can’t see
Your heart is all that I need
Your love carries me so I’m letting go

Letting go, that is how I am feeling. My mother's life is slipping away, her health has taken a turn for the worse in the past few days, as hard as it is to face, face it I must.  I told myself I was going to be brave and not cry, because it's going to be o.k.. Yet as I visited with her and leaned down to hug her a sob caught in my throat and tears filled my eyes. My mother, my mother, even though you do not know me, I am going to miss the fact that you are near and I can come sit with you. 
My mother sits in her wheelchair and hums a song. Her voice is the prettiest I have ever heard, almost ethereal, like she is getting ready to sing with the angels in heaven. I sing a silly song to her, one my Dad used to sing, she smiles and sings it back to me.
Then I tell her my most favorite memory of her and I, it was when she was pregnant with my brother Tommy. She stayed home all the time and every morning she would put me on her lap and read to me. My mother planted a little seed in my heart, it was the love of words and books. Every time she sacrificed and used hard earned money to buy me a book she watered the seed she planted, it grew into a beautiful flower in my soul that flourishes to this day.
I hugged her, kissed her and told her I will be back tomorrow with Jack. She was happy.
I escaped away to my favorite place to be alone and think, the lake. As I swam I felt myself letting go, the sobs felt like they were being wrenched from my soul. It felt good to cry and let the pain out, but there is more pain behind it, like the waves in the ocean, it is unrelenting, but at least there is some release. I'm letting go.

An Inquiring Mind --- Why Do I Like Quirky Movies

                                                                           
.    Why do I like quirky strange movies? I am going to attempt to break down three movies I really like and see what you, as the reader, thinks.
      I will start with the movie Apartment 12. One thing that drew me to this movie was Mark Ruffalo, I happen to like him and he is in the movie. The whole premise of this movie is about a wannabe Jackson Pollock type of artist, played by Ruffalo. He is a complete failure at his art, his girlfriend dumps him. He then moves into an apartment building with the oddest assortment of people who live there. He resides in Apartment 12, hence the name of the movie. He meets a semi "normal" girl and begins a relationship. On a fluke he becomes frustrated by his failure and  creates these pictures, He becomes an instant hit in the art community, reenter hot ex girlfriend, well you get the picture. I am enthralled with the strange characters who reside in the apartment building, finding them highly amusing, even the corny lines, such as the one uttered by the strange apartment manager to the girl tenant as she walks away, "You got any fries with that shake." I believe that these people are not so strange and in fact do live out there in the real world. It makes me want to go rent an apartment just to meet the tenants in the building.
     My next movie I like is called Love The Hard Way. It stars Adrien Brody, an actor I think is tremendously talented.  This movie is about a reckless con man/ thief who doesn't care. He meets a woman who is going to college, totally not his type, he pursues her, she is drawn to him, the bad boy. But instead of she saving him it is he who corrupts her. But she loves him and in the most subtle way she does save him with her love because at her lowest point he becomes the rescuer of her and is himself rescued from his own inability to love and care. I think this is why I love this movie. Love does conquer all, even the lowest depths of hell.
    My next movie, the quirkiest of all, is called Buffalo '66. It stars Vincent Gallo, who, up until the other day, when I watched this movie, had never heard of him.. He is a strange looking man and if you google his name under images you will see pictures of him, reminiscent of Charles Manson. This movie is about a man who gets out of prison, kidnaps a girl and forces her to go to his parents house with him and pretend to be his wife. The unwilling victim, played by Christina Ricci, becomes a willing participant in his scam. When you meet his parents, played by Ben Gazarra and Angelica Huston, you see why he is as strange as he is, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. But it is a very entertaining movie, if you like strange movies, which I, of course, do.
     Let me throw one last movie out, it's called A Slipping Down Life. It's about Evie who has a mad passionate love for Casey, a guitar playing singer, played by Guy Pearce. She loves him so much she carves his name in her forehead. Pretty strange, huh? Evie's outward appearance is fairly plain, she would never get any attention out in public. But as the movie progresses you begin to see Evie, as a strong beautiful woman, Casey begins to see her too and falls in love with her.
     Which leads me to the conclusion that, even though the movies I like are quite strange, upon closer examination they carry a deeper message and are actually quite beautiful.

Wild Daisies and Swimming

      I was born under a water sign and rightly so. Ever since I first learned to swim,  I was taken with being in the water. I do not possess fins or scales, but sometimes I feel like the water is my second home. On occasion while growing up my aunt and uncle would rent a cottage and I would join their family for the week. As soon as the sun was up I was out swimming, not caring if  I had my breakfast or any other meal for that matter. I was a ballerina practicing my pirouettes spinning on my toes. I was a gymnast doing perfect flips. I was whatever my imagination pretended me to be and at the end of the day I was pruny from the water.
     I still get excited when summer comes and I go swimming. Today was no exception, I looked forward to going for my first swim this year. I drove to the lake near the railroad tracks. It has become my favorite spot because nobody else swims there, I have it all to myself. I parked my car and walked down the hill past the tall Queen Anne's Lace and the wild daisies. As I walked into the water I gasped, it felt cold, but I knew if I braved the first chill I would become accustomed to the temperature. Not too far out I dove under and swam.
     In my solitude I alternate between swimming and floating. I love floating, I lay on my back and stretch out, closing my eyes I feel the warmth of the sun as it touches my face and I listen to the steady beat of my heart. Everything is obliterated except for this moment in time, I am being, I am part of this water as it engulfs me. This moment is mine alone.
     After a time I regretfully head towards the shore knowing it is time to leave. I console myself  by picking some wild daisies for my flower vase. Back home those wild daisies are too wild for that vase and I place them in smaller test tube vases. I head outside and pick black eyed susans, a better choice for the cut crystal vase. Thus ends my swimming adventure till the next time.