In Darkness I Walk Looking for Light

     I was listening to a song today and one line really hit home for me. "Sometimes it may seem dark, but the absence of the light is a necessary part."
    When you are walking in darkness you cannot see anything at first. Usually your eyes will adjust to the darkness and you can see some things but not clearly. My life two years ago was like that, I was walking in darkness. It's funny, but it reminds me of Plato's Allegory of The Cave. He contended that the people were living in darkness and all they could see were the shadows. When they were finally brought into the light, it was too painful for them to look.
   That is what my life was, when I finally emerged from the darkness of my own apathy it was too painful to bear. But the good thing is when you get through the darkness and emerge into the light you adjust to the light, even though it may be difficult at first.
    You learn to appreciate things. Things you never knew existed become a wonder, like being loved for just who you are. I read a story once called Follow The River. It is the story of Mary Ingles, she was twenty-three, happily married, and pregnant with her third child when Shawnee Indians invaded her peaceful Virginia settlement in 1755 and kidnapped her, leaving behind a bloody massacre. For months, they held her captive. But nothing imprisoned her spirit.With the rushing Ohio River as her guide. Mary Ingles walked one thousand miles through an untamed wilderness no white woman had ever seen to return to her husband. The book says Mary was never the same when she finally made it back home. She cried a lot, she never looked at her life the same way again, she appreciated everything about her life. 
     Sometimes the darkness is a necessary part, it helps you appreciate the light. I think old Plato might have had a point in what he said. Maybe he was in darkness once too and he knew there was a difference when he emerged into the light.

The Look Of Love

The look of love
Cannot be defined,
It is what passes between us,
When your eyes meet mine.
It is what our hearts share,
When we span time
That look is ours alone,
Yours and mine.

Ode To Love

I was a prisoner, trapped inside
The walls I made, where I tried to hide.
I tried to pretend it didn't matter, I didn't care
That there was no one to listen, no one to share.
I sat inside my lonely place, closed my eyes
To my shut off heart, I stifled my cries.
Then one day, everything changed
In my life, it was rearranged.
For the first time, I could see
Love, is this how it is supposed to be?
Thankfulness, each and every day
I love you, it's all I can say.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBCQMWMbeMU

Falling Slowly

     It is so funny, I always made fun of the term, falling in love. I used to joke and say it sounds like someone tripped and they fell into something.
     But as life would have it, there is such a thing. It is the rarest thing on this earth. It is the story of two people who met each other. They became best friends. The best friends could confide in each other and talk about anything. Every day they shared their hearts with each other, so much so, that they fell in love with the other one's heart.
      It is about love that transcends everything, time and space, love where time ceases to exist. It is the story of two people who were lucky enough to find each other. Lucky enough to become friends. Lucky enough to fall in love. I am one of those lucky people, thankful that I fell. In love with my best friend.
                                                          Falling Slowly
   

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice

You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkFB8f8bzbY

Once There Was A Way

     Sometimes when I wake up I just lie still and think about things. This morning I pondered about things I had been reading and my life. This Beatles song came into my head, once there was a way to get back home, once there was a way to get back home.
     Home was a safe place, it was something you could be sure of, well for some. I have been reading essays, Notes Of A Native Son by James Baldwin and The Joys Of Reading and Writing, Superman and Me by Sherman Alexie, two very different perspectives of home. It is interesting to note that both of these boys were from minorities, both from poor families, but each of them had a very different childhood.
     Alexie had a very strong connection to his father, his father loved books, he filled their home with books. Alexie learned to love the written word because he loved his father so.
    Baldwin's childhood was much sadder. His father was distant, colder, bitter and he was in fear of what he might do to upset his father. Yet, as his essay progresses there were glimpses of the humanity of his father, remembrances of the times his father was not so distant. But still and all the distance outweighed those moments.
   I wondered, does one ever get over the abusiveness. Is there ever a way to get back home, when home was a good place where you felt safe.  My childhood was relatively carefree and good. Adulthood became a challenge, a place where I learned home might not be so good. I ponder these things in my mind,  I don't know if anyone can understand unless they have been in that place.
     My greatest hope in this world is that I could make a difference in someone else's life, for even a brief moment. To appreciate others in my actions and words. In little ways, something as simple as smiling or helping a person when they need it. I have a co-worker who is crippled and it gives me the greatest joy to help her, to wait on her. we usually take our breaks at the same time and it is my privilege to warm her supper up for her and serve it to her. It's those little things in life that make me feel like there is a way to get back home.